trashed.

i was searching for an eraser in the drawer to clean my scribblings. the only picture of you and i, sitting at the coffeebean caught my eye.

didn't we look fab together? the best of friends, talking about all the crap in the world. sitting at that same spot, never another as we stoned the wednesdays away.

i've been trying to remember your face of late. couldn't summon it from my memory. your smile in the picture looked so foreign. really. that mess of hair. weird. the way you held that paper cup filled with your usual poison. strange.

what's your usual anyway? i don't exactly recall.

you called the other day. it was kind of strange. could hardly remember that crackle of a voice, that accent. that laugh. whatever. i knew not what to say but what i've wanting to say all these past months. to ask you to never ever bother me again.

i seriously don't need you anymore. i feel less secure without you hanging around me. that things are more certain. stable. and i like them that way. cos i no longer need to run into the wall that's waiting for me at every corner.

that i can finally let my heart heal. disallow my insecurities from controlling me. life without you is just like that. Better.

that's it. it's better. without you hanging at every bend in my life.

the photo was so picture perfect. but time has worn the perfection thin. i hate keeping imperfect things.

i take a last look at the picture. hopefully my mind has captured (what i used to think was) the most beautiful smile and ingrained it in my memory.

hopefully.

the picture's torn now. lying in a heap. at the bottom of my bin. under all my paper, stickies, sweet wrappers and what nots.

trashed. and lost. forever.