in retrospect. on in retrospect.

it's going to be a rough week ahead. but it will not stop me from trying my best to enjoy it. :)

as i've mentioned previously, the past few weeks have been a mad rush of activities and deadlines. it could have possibly contributed to my taking ill. but who is to really know for we can only assume. and then create hypotheses that point to my lack of sleep, irregular eating habits, overcommitment etc.

the other day we had to take the class pictures. Grace came up with the idea that we shall all personalize our names on white paper and hold that sheet of paper like a big name tag when we get our shots taken.

i wrote my nickname ( Quite obviously. since i don't exactly like how formal it sounds when people say my name.) and added "- PHOBiC- at the bottom of it. the FT pointed out, quite clearly how minute the word was. that it'd be hardly legible when it comes out on print.

however, it was unimportant how large is was. the word, in its entirety, captured the essence of the moment.

the fear of being overly commited. the fear of being everywhere ( the 'TVM' concept). the fear of falling from grace. the fear of losing control. the fear of...

and i have the big name tag stuck on my wall now. there's a post- it on my desk that reads : Say 'yes' to opportunities. Say 'no' to unnecessaries.

reminding me not to overcommit myself. that i should take the advise of those who have bothered to dispense any. to learn to delegate. to learn to let go. to learn when to say no. to learn to not overcommit...

but there's always the opportunity to lapse into momentary loss of will. where opportunities present themselves. on a Platinum platter. and any person would have lunged for it.

indeed, i've decided eventually to postpone doing the pet project with Tim and Drew. but i've got myself into something else. which could possibly be of great benefit to me in future.

it seems quite surreal now. that i could be quite lucky to be recommended. but it may come and haunt me someday.

i don't know when that day will come. and i hope it won't. so at least i can continue holding onto the specks of believe that people have in me. for as long as it can go on for.