not much of an idealist anymore..

it was a fairly upsetting day. with a lot of disheartening little issues.

of course i'm glad people trust me enough to do certain things.

but it doesnt make me prouder. in fact, the added weight on my shoulders just seem to have gotten that much heavier.

and being stuck at a point of not knowing what to do of it, honestly is discouraging given the deadline that is attached to the work.

perhaps.. life would be easier if people stopped believing in me so much. so i could sink back into mediocrity and just be who i want to be.. that kid who wishes for a moment sleep in peace and not have to feel guilty for it thereafter..

EDIT: 2350h

i know i'm not a very nice person. and i do insist on maintaining a certain level of my mean streak. in hopes that people would not take advantage of me.

however, the more pressing issue is.. Have i been too kind to certain characters? that warrant them to continually take advantage of me. that i have been too forgiving towards them despite my mean exterior of trying to be harsh with them..

i truly wonder. but i guess i'll someday die not knowing..