figment..

you'll know that this is the sem break of your life. the one which you'd look back fondly. but it will just turn into a figment of your memory. one like all the others only more special because it's been red tabbed.

trust me. i know. cos that's exactly how i'm feeling right now.

there are a lot of experiences in life that i have never asked for. never even wished for. but it came this sem break. it was like this little gift sent from heaven. to learn discover myself a little more. to see beyond all my suspicions and insecurities.

i have renewed faith in my friends regardless of the status of our relationships. i'm beginning to see myself as someone to be reckoned with- as in, Me reckoning with myself- and to start taking myself seriously for once.

in my life, i've spent most of my waking moments-perhaps even those while i'm asleep- irritating the patience out of people. i found in me the reason why i'm mean and distant, in that it was a choice to prevent myself from heartbreak because prevention was always better. but as i near the end of this amazing academic journey, it's time to make up for the heartaches i've caused, and the heartbreaks i've meted on others. it's time to learn to be nice.. after all, wouldn't it be great to be nice and kind at the same time? ( Laugh if you must, but hold it in before i get a chance to get to you!)

i led life somewhat precariously in the past. but i've chose to shut myself off from it. leaving isn't always easy especially it was all that i knew before may 2004. and im glad to be standing on firmer ground. something that i can touch and see, not waking up in fear of gossip, politics and the thought of death should i make a wrong move. ( Think thunder and lightning incident, and that stupid surfboard incident..)

three semesters ago i was offered an internship at a major organization. i spoke to a couple of people who felt that i should go ahead, simply because it was big, well-connected and would get me places. at this point in time, because i no longer believe in that organization i see no reason why i should be there to help the proliferation of tasteless politics. and in the school, i find myself trusting, in deciding how my future months will be lived out.

my life is suddenly more quiet, more stable now. that fog which hindered my visibility in the past seemed to have lifted a little. and because of this, it's worth red tabbing this sem break.

[ cue overused line ] I'll never forget this even if i wake up with alzheimer's disease tomorrow morning!

and i'm sure all of you who know how i've used this line will (hopefully, cross my heart) know what i mean..

night and out.