just like that.

just under an hour. i sit there. in that silent hall. doing that test paper. thinking how i could've studied more. i started to plan where to go after the test. what to have for dinner. what to do to celebrate the end of sleepless torturous weeks of crazy tests, psycho deadlines, and full blown pressure from every possible, thinkable corner that just had to hit me.

i look at all the grammatical errors and silently curse myself for the all the things i lack in having solid language skills. i stare at my fingers, hoping that they'd just miraculously start writing.

time's up. i hand in my paper to the lecturer and rush to the nearest bathroom to freshen up.

50 minutes was all it took.

just 50. the world had actually came to a stand still. i sat in the hall, in my oblivion. news came once i was ready to leave at about 5 to 7pm. grace got a call. told us all about the tranport system bombings in london.

at the bus stop i received a msg from may about the exact same news.

crazy huh? 50 minutes. things could just change so much.

there's no way we'll ever know when the ground beneath our feet would be pulled.

crazy, but true. perhaps i do need to learn to cherish my life- every experience, every friend, every moment, every gift- more.

yesterday's and today's events alone would make a very telling experience to start doing just that.

felt the irregular heartbeats coming back to haunt me when i was out running just now. i ran the longer route today. down to the cheesecake place and back. it scared me when my chest got so painful that i could hardly take another step forward.

i walked the last 500 m back- something i've not done for a very long time.

i do need to slow down. i know. i'm trying as hard as i can.

i'm seriously am not going to take a gamble with my life. i can hardly breathe properly now. i'm suffering and i hope it goes away by tomorrow when i wake up from all these pains.

no wonder matt's always telling me that i've got this perverse work habit. to keep going just cos i dont feel a shit.

i'm getting it all now. i will slow down. do help me slow down. cos i know i there's no way i can run a marathon like i'm doing the sprint.

remind me to slow down. and that's all i ask for now in hope that the carpets wont be pulled out from under my feet. i doubt i'll take a short time to get up to speed again.

i cant afford to fall. cos i wish to remain commited to everything i do and i'm not going to give any of them up.

thanks in advance if you do tell me to slow down. cos that's the only way i'll remember that i need to do.

~ five candles( you were there) : jars of clay~