ugly people make bad lovers.

i remembered reading a column when i was young.

if i have not mistakened, its author argued that ugly people are the most unfaithful amongst the dating/married lot. because they are easily tempted by love. when someone shows interest, when most people don't, they can change partners quickly because it is to them a sense of satisfaction and achievement.

after a slew of events in my adult life (oh yes, a lot can happen in 3 months), i have to say that he was right all along. the ugly ones are other most unfaithful.

and when i mean ugly, i mean really ugly.. in all sense of the word.

the way we get high..

the way we get high on the day we got real high at Poly Forum 2006. Hadi kept making us do the dance again and again and again.

Watch closely and you'll realize that the only one who knows the steps is Alvin.

And we did the dance about .. 10 times that night.

a bit pai seh (embarassing), luckily my face not obvious cos kristen blocked me most of the time.

i'm finally on YouTube! :)

kitty fights and purring lions

in under 48 hours, i shall be entering the final stretch of playing pretend and graded simulations- otherwise known as school.

6 weeks of classroom time before 12 weeks of internship. where the real world shall finally take over and in the process, i hope, not kill me.

there's something about real work i like. i don't know why. during the holidays when i assisted my mom's friend at running an event from the sponsor's side was rather fun. perhaps the first affirmation that i have made a right decision in what i want to do in life. of course i did relatively mundane-but still very pertinent- stuff like the invites and RSVPs and all the phone call making which pretty much led to a vast improvement in my hokkien and a bit of my teochew conversational skills.

that said, some of the vocabulary still baffles me and i still need to use english or mandarin to express myself. i'm not that good i admit.. but it was fun nonetheless.

subsequently the kitty started making me his slave, of which i was paid a fair bit for every word i wrote (market pays around 10 cents to 20 cents a word). i got about 5 to 8 cents per word i wrote. depending how long i wrote. but more importantly, it was the experience of it all. which led to a lot of strings with people from around the school. i still get free stuff whenever i can get free stuff! (now, where's that bloody perhaps.love poster..)

then the kitty left. now i'm the slave to his boss. which, i don't really mind as long as i get my money. because given the amount accumulated i could actually buy myself a nice dinner at a ritzy location when i go on holiday in Thailand- as long as i don't spend them as quickly as i get them. in addition, bank interest rates are pathetic these days, it's hard to make a lot from it.

but i digress..

i admit that school is far more fun given the room for error making. but there's always this aching need to move on and out of school. after close to 15 years of education, i'm getting tired of waking up to the thought of exams. i'm tired waking up to the thought of how injustices in school and slip right by and yet people still smile at it.

of course, it doesn't mean that all these would never happen in the real world. it would be put into perspective as reality hits me 6 weeks from now. but chances are, people would fight to ensure that the injustices won't just slip by because it's going to be their jobs, bank loans, cars etc at risk.

indeed, all the imaginable kitty claws and teeth would be bared, but it's going to be so much better than hearing purrs from a lion. i can't wait. and if i were to die in the middle of all the kitty fight, i'd die more willing than playing with a tamed lion and being having my heart scratched through in a freak accident.

*no animals were harmed in the process of this post.. honest.*

life in slow motion..

what can i say. living life in slow motion is not fun can?

i almost cried myself to sleep thinking what i got myself into. not because of what i didn't want to do. but because i suddenly feel the torture i could have caused during pm101.

yes, it's that painful. because all the fun bits were removed (and isolated somewhere which i still haven't really figured out). so it was looking very pretty..

but it's fun observing paranoia at work, when a corporate communications person is so worried about her job she corners you and attempts to brainwash you in however short a time she has with you.

yours truly, being very much the discerning student [ ;P ] did not bother listening. after all, i've scored enough brownie points to ensure that my school's going to be proud of me.

yes, i felt like a product on sale for about an hour during reception. but hey!! i reckon our school people always ask the poignant questions that the media's interested in- without planting and arrowing students who always just say what the corporate communications person want them to say.

i'm privileged that way..

in less than 12 hours i will be in public chalet hell.

i don't know why. but i've always been those types who would go to people's private vacation homes or even corporate chalets. so yes, sue me for never having ever lived in a public chalet before.

and yes, i also know i am 超 very spoilt given this revelation. but wouldn't it be nice to think that i'm just too fortunate and always living in chalets which are so darn well-equipped that nothing else can match up to them?

this brainwashing thing doesn't seem to work. sigh..

on disappointment.

sometimes i wished i put up a greater fight for things. because every single time i don't, i tend to end up disappointing a whole series of people.

sigh.. i wished i had not been so complacent, or given up so easily in retrospect..


@ 2300 hours-

me: mom. yah, disappointed, sad.. and all the words describing how a person would feel and say when disappointed.

mom: huh?

me: *slouches and walks away*

early morning conversations

early morning conversation with mommy goes like this:

mom: Results out today right? received email already?

me: yessss. stupid school suddenly become super efficient. sent me the email at 1.30 am.

mom: so how? you saw last night?

me: no... i just saw it..

mom: so how? up, down?

me: UPPP! WHERE HAVE I EVER LET IT SLIDE DOWN?! (note: we were referring to the GPA)

mom: so how? ISP got Distinction?

me: nooo.. i think doctor sheh and doris sensed i didn't want it la cos i gave this half-baked effort. but i'm happy that i didn't get it.

mom: why? i thought you want?

me: are you sure it's me and not you?

mom: so how? upset anot?

me: are you talking about me or my supervisor?

mom: both lor.

me: aiyah, don't know la. you go and ask her yourself. but i IS very happy. and i'm going back to bed. good night.


she subsequently kept opening and closing the door of my room until i had no other choice but to wake up.. mothers are such pains sometimes!!!

-

early morning conversation with von goes like this:

von: siao la you crazy woman get so high. checking now. i damn scared can. (note: another talk about grades.)

me: oh and i didn't get any AD this semester. twice already!

von: you never get AD meh? i thought you did eh.

me: but i is HAPPY even though i didn't get it.

von: thanks for waking me up this early.. i thought it's 2.30pm already.


i swear it was totally unintentional. imagine if we did check our results at 1.30am. we wouldn't have possibly slept a wink last night.

on a totally irrelevant note, i think i'm beginning to successfully delude myself. otherwise how could i be so happy not getting an AD?! (well, anyone would kill to get better grades right?) either that, or all the talk about "there's more to life than grades" and "you will come to realize that grades aren't everything" are all finally working.
-

early morning conversation with jaime goes like this:

jaime: so how's your results?

me: liddat lor. like i smsed you. eh, aren't you supposed to be working?!

jaime: oh entire office is out so i can use phone. hahaha

me: ...

how smart, 吃蛇 (loosely translated as "eat snake". a popular chinese term referring to a person who is skiving.) i hope this conversation is recorded so his employer knows that he behaves like a sneaky domestic help.

-

now that everyone is finally out of the house, no one's going to stop me from falling back to sleep! happy happy joy joy..

if i can't even find four, how to find four million!?

this is very worrying.

i boarded a single deck bus today and took a seat which gave me complete view of everyone on the bus. (yeah, the one in front facing everyone- but it's a red seat fyi).

for 30 minutes, i tried my utmost to find four smiles.

why four? because recently we have a campaign about 4 million smiles welcoming the world to our shores. very impressive thing coming out from the organizing committee i have to say. it's a whole new concept to SMILING. and i've honestly smiled more over the last couple of months than the past two years put together. but people who've seen me on the street (whom i've smiled to) maybe think i'm siao (crazy).

anyway, where was i?

so i tried to find four smiles. but i couldn't. which was sad. how is it going to be possible to get FOUR MILLION smiles when i can't even find FOUR on the bus?

i'm not trying to target bus commuters. because i'm one too. i may get stoned to death when i get on the bus tomorrow, or the day after, or god-knows-when. i'm a very concerned bus commuter, that's all.

but the point is: can't we be as supportive as how we could ballot and queue hours on end for national day tickets?! i sure hope so.

so come on everyone! smile (i know you want to and i see the corner of your lips curling) so the visitors won't think they arrived on the wrong island come 10 september 2006.

SAY NO TO DOUBLE STANDARDS!

so the other day i was commenting about my observations at subway marina square. of how a supervising staff seemed more impolite than the trainee. all these were done in practice for pm101 (eh! someone put so much effort to teach me, i must show appreciation and make sure i get better at observing non-verbal cues).

the person in question seemed to have served us with dissatisfaction over a request which was undemanding (i.e.: did not require extra effort which would've caused inconvenience to him).

now i'm just feeling so happy someone did the work for me! :)

and may i add that it's usually due to people similar to the one in question that we are accused of being victims of pinkerton's disease. as for the girls, spgs (sarong party girls) for being more welcoming of caucasians than singaporean men.

entering the fortress..

image by spuffed inc.

we finally got to enter ze fortress.

but honestly, it didn't amaze me. either because i'm no longer as easily amused (which also means that my cynicism factor has increased significantly) or that the fortress was everything else but spectacular.

*ponders*

destination: emotionless

someone collapsed in an epileptic fit today. and everyone became panicky.

wait, let me correct that statement. yours truly wasn't panicky. i just kind of looked on at the commotion. sitting at my spot, i thought to myself:"oh yes, familiar scene. a fit. something to bite on and calling the ambulence would help very much instead of a crowd forming around the person."

you may think i'm nonchalant or being indifferent. but i have to say that it's worrying me.

A. LOT.

i fear that i'm losing my ability to sympathize and empathize with others. this would also mean that i may be gradually losing my ability to feel any emotion- for others or even for myself. (of which the latter has become quite common these days-believe it or not, i do not feel a tinge of pity for myself.)

all because i began to steel myself after someone provided a reality check that the world won't care even if my sky fell down upon me. because as long as i'm still very much alive, it's fine and dandy, nice and breezy to the rest of the world and i have to do what i have been tasked to do.

but this is not a blame game. just a speculation of a probable cause-and-effect situation that i have created and brought upon myself.

i may just die being heartless and everyone would come to my funeral just to see that i'm lying in the coffin and dead. they'd think silently to themselves:"it's good she's gone now so we don't have to put up with that heartless bitch any longer." then they'll proceed to win, or lose -depending on which end they are on- a lot of money over 18 rounds of mahjong.


sigh.. very worrying indeed.

on death..

random question by someone about to go for an operation (which is an evening one and he would be discharged in the morning).

k: i'm still scared though it's not intrusive.

me: which means you don't have risk of dying. scared what?

k: don't know. just scared. operations seem synonymous with death.

me: well, i don't fear it. i'd just be darn upset if i died not having done all the things i wish to do.

k: including skydiving?

me: yes, if my heart doesn't stop beating in mid-air.

k: okay, but i'm still scared leh.

i seriously [heart] guys when they get a little too scared and are about to pee in their pants. especially the very intelligent ones. because it brings them back to earth, reminding them that are not above everything. :) *sniggers*

难以想象我会感到如此的痛苦。
以前所造成的伤害终于发生在我身上。
而为什么令我痛苦的人又是你？