ambition..

someday i wish to clear the clog in the pipe by just simply hitting the flush. so it won't sit there and create a stench which needs far too much effort to clear.. even with the most expensive of chemicals.

:)

sheltered..

just when i thought i've been living too sheltered a life.

today's spectacle has proven me otherwise. my sheltered life pales in comparison to some others.

but i'm thankful towards the people who've made it tough for me. cos i think i'm beginning to move closer towards the edge of the roof and seeing more sunlight, perhaps a couple of stormy days ahead.. you know the usual wonders of nature..

which makes life That Much More Exciting.. Splendid baby! i can't wait.

not much of an idealist anymore..

it was a fairly upsetting day. with a lot of disheartening little issues.

of course i'm glad people trust me enough to do certain things.

but it doesnt make me prouder. in fact, the added weight on my shoulders just seem to have gotten that much heavier.

and being stuck at a point of not knowing what to do of it, honestly is discouraging given the deadline that is attached to the work.

perhaps.. life would be easier if people stopped believing in me so much. so i could sink back into mediocrity and just be who i want to be.. that kid who wishes for a moment sleep in peace and not have to feel guilty for it thereafter..

EDIT: 2350h

i know i'm not a very nice person. and i do insist on maintaining a certain level of my mean streak. in hopes that people would not take advantage of me.

however, the more pressing issue is.. Have i been too kind to certain characters? that warrant them to continually take advantage of me. that i have been too forgiving towards them despite my mean exterior of trying to be harsh with them..

i truly wonder. but i guess i'll someday die not knowing..

*squint* -> *frown* -> *psychotic smile*

wait. a. minute. did. i. see. it. right? did. i. read. it. right? *rubs eyes*

omg. looks like i'm in for a real treat just before school re-opens. whoopee do. zippity do daa.

unless it's there by some mistake. but no. it can't be. i'm feeling super happy now. hee5.

EDIT 30 March 2006 : sigh. it's been indefinitely delayed.. till i dont know when..

but i promise myself that i'll lay hands on the poster. as i'm at the brink of purchasing that cute little keanu magnet with him ps-ed already. sigh..

when will i ever get over my 'Speed' infatuation? it's been a little too long already hasn't it?

i never thought i'd say this..

really am grateful towards vk for this bit stint copywriting. :)

there's this bittersweet feeling to it.

i'm feeling high on the fact that i get to do this, since i will most likely never get into creatives- in this lifetime ( since i'm supposed to die very young ). and on the other extreme, that i'll just fall back into normalcy till 16 April 06 when this stint ends.. life will standstill, and not be the blur i wish it to be..

march 06. whoever thought it'd be..

that exciting. 5 years ago i would've thought that holidays would be nothing without sailing.. i believe i did have very warped perception then.

staying in sgp during the holidays Definitely has its benefits.. *SmiRks* and i'm not trying to console myself regarding the amount of things i need to achieve by the end of this semestral break. i'm actually quite happy.

trying out some copywriting now.. let's pray that the results turn out good. :) *hopeful*

inspired.

with the amount of work i'm currently doing, anyone would think i'm actually back in school. but truth be told? i'm doing more than i would usually do while i'm during semester time.

anyway, i'm glad that i've got so much to do. and the holidays honestly looks far more fruitful than it looked a couple of weeks ago. while everyone was worried over their exams. i was a bit stumped by how empty my holidays looked.

nothing special. no industrial training like the rest. flat. empty. B.O.R.I.N.G.

wait. dont i actually have to run two extra curriculas with printing deadlines to meet? don't i happen to have an essay waiting to be re-editted, re-submitted. don't i actually have a project to do?! suddenly it felt less empty. and i dare say, i'm glad i've earned enough salt to do all the things that have come my way this holidays.

being invited to help out for some little stuff couldn't have felt better. in fact, i've become to inspired i actually vouched that if I attained 5As/ADs this semester i'd gladly buy Jaime a trip to South Africa. and puffpuff, and okay, a lot of other people.

i suddenly had the feeling that i could achieve the promise i made at the beginning of the semester. that it didn't seem that difficult. that i wasn't that much a goner.

however, all must be put into perspective. and i do have to say that 5 As/ADs is far too much to ask of a wee person like me. who hates studying. and spend most of my time gallavanting and walking around like a druggie.

judgment day's this Wednesday. when the entire student population of the school would log on at 0750hours and C.A.M.P. on the online portal waiting for the results to flash in front of their eyes. clicking on the 'refresh' button every other minute. as 0830hours draw closer, every 30 seconds. and well, contribute to the clogging of the system.

and i'd sit here, with a wicked cup of strawberry tea, and wait patiently for the page to load. and then cry my eyes out over my less than satisfactory results. :)

in about the 400 words up there, i've just told you how my week is expected to look. and perhaps even an insight to the weeks to come.

i'm sure it'd make up the moments that i'll miss blogging about for the next couple of days.

:)

for that one moment, i did not trick myself in believing that i've attained paradise for the day. :)

i find myself extremely at ease with the work i've done today. that little masterpiece. though i doubt i'd be as happy when i wake up tomorrow.

but it's part of being perfectionist. that need to recreate that satisfied, contented feeling. that feeling of calm and quiet when i look at the finished work.

i'll work at the essay when i wake up tomorrow. and it will be such a nice little way to start off the new day.. by being overly critical with myself. so there's none left for you. and i'm doing you a favor, because it ain't too nice to spread the dissatisfaction and/or unhappiness around. :)

i've been.. whatever..

thanks to stupid von.. here goes..

What were you doing 10 years ago?

i was trying to maintain a status quo in school, made up of me and possibly three boys. we went around being the go-getters. and we effectively wiped out all pond life in the school eco pond. oh! and the brush life- when we picked grasshoppers off all day with some other kids. we permanently freaked out when a praying mantis tried to launch an attack on one of the boys ( no. not me! unfortunately..).

and on a more personal note, i started becoming a very dissatisfied kid.

5 songs that you know the lyrics right off your head...

- You Don't Know Me : Michael Bolton
- The Way you look tonight : Michael Buble
- Don't Stop Me Now : Queen
- Angels : Robbie Williams
- The Show Must Go On : Queen

5 things you would do if you're a multimillionaire..?
Most important to the least.

- Get myself a car. any sort. so i can be less dependent on others.
- Pay for insurance for the car. so i will not infringe the Motor Vehicles Act.
- Pay for enhancements for the car.
- Buy myself an education in some foreign university.
- The rest will go to living the high life. muahaha! :)

5 bad habits...

- i forget to turn off plugs.. sometimes.
- refuse to wake up from aftn naps till i'm extremely satisfied with the hours of sleep i've clocked.
- perpetually being at the brink of getting a Late mark for school
- procrastinator
- and of course, major slacker. then again, nowadays.. being a slacker is cool..

5 things i like doing..

- sleeping! :)
- doing nothing.
- doing nothing.
- doing nothing.
- :)

Things that you will never buy, wear or get a new one again?

- a bloody boat. because i'm going to buy a yacht someday! if i ever get so close to La Rochelle.
- a stupid pager. it was like this constantly on call thing.. thank goodness for handphones and cancel buttons.
- diagonally striped shirts. it's just to.. eww.

5 favorite toys..

- oh. now you ask. *sneaky grin*
- my NEC laptop.
- the library. cos i wished all the books belonged to me. it happens to be one of my fave places too!
- myself..
- oh.. and you! :) take that vonster! for breaking my QAF marathon..

the unfinished life..

so the holidays started right about monday. the days have been long. the nights wary. nothing extremely exciting happened. except perhaps for watching ' The Unfinished Life'.

if i were to, by some force of nature, or come in contact with an unfortunate event- created by man- die tomorrow. the one thing that would make my life, an unfinished one, would be the inability forgive myself in letting people go in too easy a fashion.

simply because i hardly, if ever, regret. after all, what's done is done. and can hardly be undone.

that's one thing we ought to learn.. in this lifetime. however long or short it may be..

slipshod..

the girl was shrieking like a siren. running around the hawker center crying "mommy! mommy!"

-

everytime when i try to think of one extremely vivid memory from my aged 5 and under years, i'd think of how i got lost in the now dyfunct in sgp daimaru department store.

so i was happily browsing at the leather wallets. i cant exactly remember the brand of the wallet. but if i do remember clearly it bore the cute little buffalo insignia of braun buffel. i do still enjoy looking at that brand today.. but that's not the point is it?

anyway, daddy decided to let go of my hand. or was it mommy? oh whatever. that's not highly important.

they left me standing there examining the wallet. i only realized they were gone after 10 minutes! mommy and daddy was perhaps gallavanting somewhere, in some other section in the, i dare say, bloody big departmental store. which in retrospect isn't very big now. but.. i digress.

anyway i got very worried. naturally. which 4 and a half year old wouldn't? i stood there rooted to the ground and i got a bit still all over. like the "okay.. so i'm lost. dont panic.." kind of feeling.

i pretended to continue browsing at the wallets for the next 20 minutes of so, until it struck me that my mommy and daddy may actually be abandonning me. yes. ABANDONNING me.

me. me. me. me. me. how could they do that? those heartless people? after 30 minutes and they didn't even bother to come for me? i'm sure as salt they were abandonning me at a big department store so i'll get so lost no one would find me. and i'd have to make home out of a bed in the store when all the lights go off. and all the staff leave for home. and hope and pray they don't kill the ventilators ( air con la!).

i made my way to the customer service counter. and saw a really pretty lady wearing a funky ( ok, in retrospect- NOT very funky la. just standard) name tag. i went up to her and whispered over the counter on tip toes.

" i'm cheryl tan and i think i'm lost. maybe daddy and mommy don't want me anymore."

and she got even more panicky than me. so this was when i really panicked. why in the world would an ADULT panic? when finding lost kids were their (almost) everyday job? why would they start getting so worried? was it because i'd incur the store costs for putting me up here all day and night from now on?

that really pretty lady aka receptionist ( ok. NOW I KNOW they're called receptionists. how would a 4 1/2year old know anyway?!) decided to page for my parents after i told her their names ( eh. i damn power ok! i could spell their names, write they names. and i think i knew their birthdates and id numbers too!).

5 minutes later my mommy and daddy appeared and then blamed me for running off. and all i did was stand there and stare at wallets. THEY were the ONES who WONDERED, no.. i correct myself. RAN OFF somewhere! without ME!

so perhaps you'd think it's my fault for being too obsessed by that buffalo insignia.

but you know what? that day established the fact in my belief that my parents partake- like many others- in wat i describe as.. Get This.. SLIPSHOD PARENTING.

otherwise how would i have been lost in a close to empty department store on a sunday MORNING?!

:)

this is how you'd feel when you say..

well. well. well.. i wonder whether it's because my lovely dvd dual-drive is a made-in-sgp product or what. it decided to DIE on me today..

oh what a splendid way to start the school holidays. when i MOST need that wretched thing!!

as the exam ends..

in the two weeks that make up the last exam of the decade ( for me, hopefully), i've become a consumer to 4 films:

munich. capote. mrs henderson presents. walk the line.

amazingly, i did not fall asleep despite my constant fatigue. and druggie stlyed sniffing of nose.

i do believe i've found my exilir! nope, not the chocolixir.. but movies!

the miracle cure! whoopee do. zippity do daa..

i reckon, i expect myself to live past my very optimistic life expectancy of 40 years old now.. IF and Should good films continue to be produced.. :)