life is like an equation. it's supposed to be perfect- balanced.

however, having been a very lousy math student, i have come to realize that my 'life is like an equation' theory doesn't really work.

there's always imbalances. things that detract us, or obstacle us.. i don know. there's always something.

life is supposed to beautiful, like a perfect balanced equation. however, sad to say it hardly happens for most of us.

most of us let things we like or covet go, and we just continue with life. despite the regrets we always tell ourselves that we'll find other things way better than what we actually wanted.

then we look for replacements( aka substitutes in economic terms). they may not be as fantastic or be what we really want. at times they can turn out to be better. but essentially. we continue to look for that one simple thing that fits into the equation that we try to work out.

sad to say, i'm one amongst the hordes of people trying to complete my equation. maybe that's the only equation i could get right. but i'm still trying to decipher the magic figure. it's difficult to find but i keep having this feeling that i've found it. i'm just waiting for it to happen. waiting and hoping. i guess only time will tell.

i have been wanting to tell someone loads of stuff. but i dont really know where to begin. maybe some advice is needed. maybe i dont really have the ability to smoke my way through( as what many of my friends in history class called me) in everything. maybe i dont possess even gift in speaking with loads of sense as many who have received innuendoes i used on them. maybe, just maybe... i dont really know what i say will carry any weight at all for so far nothing seems to matter. and nothing seems to work.

someday we'll know i guess. and i hope i do know eventually.

it is at times you find yourself losing control of yourself.. that you no longer know who you are.. that suddenly the person staring back at you in the mirror is but just another face you'll see in a day..

it's kind of a strange feeling when i woke up yesterday morning. kind of not knowing who i was. it felt really weird. yes. it was like i couldn't recognise myself. and i got a little shocked. so i crawled back into bed and laid there for awhile. and went back to sleep. maybe it was a dream within a dream. that kind of thing. that feeling.

got up feeling fine after. thank god. i thought i lost myself. i thought i was going crazy. maybe i am. but not as quick as i expected. but maybe slow is good, so my friends can see more of the sane me and remember it when i'm no longer one of them.

~live like you'll die tomorrow cos you never know when you're really gonna go~

-this is a post dated entry-

Projected grades for Sem 2

Film Appreciation : C
Digital Video ProductionApplications :B
Web Publishing : C
Introduction to Public Relations & Advertising :B+
Issues & ViewPoints :B
FUndameNtal of Economics :B+
Innovation in Design and Enterprise in Action :C
News Writing : B

Look mom, no A!

*picture this: mommy chasing me around the house with a cane. hahaha~ I'm sure I can run much faster now, just that my house aint as big as my aunt's house in Texas that would allow me to do an escape stunt down the stairs*

This is NOT a joke. I'm serious. I can imagine seeing the result slip already. Oh gee oh gee... I'm so DARN SCREWED...

Well, after seeing the tag(s) and realizing that pple could read too much into things i DID NOT BOLD-not out of purpose/ slashed but not bold by accident- I have decided to bold everything that I have striked out. So yeah. though we are supposed to read too much into such stuffs, I guess I'd better not allow pple since some pple do let their imagination run too wild. heh...

So there.

Grace, May and I went to watch In Good Company. There sitting in the row in front was Elaine, my junior who got retained in yr1 while her peers went on to yr 2. I guess I know how she feels now considering the fact that I'm in poly. I mean Hid and like everyone else( Even JOYCE!)'s in the university except SQ. So yeah. I guess we need to be fair to everyone and not mock them for not putting in enuf effort or their lack of promotion. We all grow differently and pick different choices.

I remembered a short film director once said in the papers, " No, I din fail my As. I just felt that the poly route was the most realistic for what I wanted to do." So there. I guess I din fail, considering my A.C.E. grades. I just din make it into the uni and getting into the poly to FINALLY do sth that I'm not forced into doing-MAC- I guess it was the smartest thing I've done over the past four years or so.

Back to In Good Company. It was a good show which finally had an ending of not having two characters who had a disruption in the middle of the film( think FA! woooooahhhhh*vomits*)- Scarlett Johansson and Topher Grace. But eventually it's very reality. I mean we never know when our lives will come to a stand still- that we'd suddenly have no direction in life. No job, no one to turn to, that crazy sense of loss. But beyond everything, you do see this beacon of hope of finally discovering yourselves, of learning something completely radical that turns your life around.

So yeap. That may not be the crux of the moral of the story. But that was how I felt... I really enjoyed today. Cos I got to talk out a lot of stuff and all? And I'm glad that they were there to crap along with me. =)