i've been wanting to say...

be evil to me. i'll start appreciating your finer points more.

i missed the old you i knew. but i know it is never ever coming back.

proposed final assessment.

now, i wonder what would've happened if i wrote something like this during my final assessment for Feature Writing.

stunting read on a sunday. absolutely enjoyed it. for all the reasons :)

title: how to get sick before school re-opens.

heading: Getting the virus from a sick person.

Sub-headings:

dosage no. 1 -
share lunch, especially fried food which would aggravate the sore throat. think Fried Chicken, with loads of fat and unhealthy seasoning.

dosage no. 2 -
Expensive Milo aka Pure Chocolate Ice Blended at CB&T. ensure that all possible disgusting drop of flu-virus-overkill saliva is stirred into drink with the straw.

share straw.

you're on your way to flu haven.

dosage no. 3 -
sit dangerously close enough to stay within the highest concentration range of the virus. share a newspaper. get squished at the corner between two shelves at a bookstore(doesn't matter how big) and then start discusing and inhaling the air that is within the concentration range.

then. wait. patiently. in. hope. the. virus. would. would. their mischevious. magic.

dosage no. 4 -
share sausage bun. plus loads of snot-looking mustard. be more altruistic. offer the food to the virus carrier first, then eat it after.

there's a higher guarantee you'll get the virus after so many close highest concentration range kind of contact.

now. just. sit. back. relax. and. let. the. virus. take. effect. :)

almost holiday.

the almost holiday.

it's just 4 days to the end.

i'm not happy.

'nuff said.

primary source.

~it's not that i don't like you. it's not that i don't wish to tell. but sometimes, telling you what i truly feel/ the exact truth can hurt. it was just my attempt at concern, and in the process i think i've managed to spare you the unhappiness.~

a lot of times, i find myself in a situation where someone tries to pry something out of me. an acknowledgement, an affirmation, or just plain gossip. s.o.m.e.t.h.i.n.g.!

and i find myself hiding. creating shades of myself. in order to be selective as to whom to dispense what information to.

of late, leading some to ask how real i am. simply because their perception would be reality to them.

yet, people still don't get it! they'll keep trying. no matter how many times it may take them just to get something that they are after.

i wished i could scribble all that i have to say on my arms. so i can just stick them out and whoever wants a piece of information could just read it themselves.

it would be the cold hard facts. but it could potentially lead to hurt. are you willing to go that far for information?

____________________________________________________________

i have been quite unable to blog lately. possibly due to the numerous amounts of articles that i had to write during the course of the semester break. i do believe i've not done this much work during a holiday since possibly my primary school days.

in place of the tons of assessment books and tuition that my mother insisted that i do/ go to, i have articles and articles to write. well, it was all fun until it started stealing what little personal time i have to spend thinking about issues.

so my blogging effort comes periodically now. it doesn't really matter if i leave the 'create new entry' window open while i'm online.

suddenly, there's no urge. but when there is... i find myself quite lost for words. and i stumble over my thoughts. and when an entry actually makes it, i smile a little.

yes, perhaps it's the stress caused by all the writing and writing. too many words used elsewhere for some other cause. perhaps. perhaps.

so bear with me for awhile. the randomness. the infrequency. the haphazardness of words and phrases. until i find my blogging self back.

where should i go from here?

it was an enjoyable night.

enjoyable, yet not pleasurable- Screening.

foodies set free!

conversation. ramblings. intellectual stimulation. lame crap.

ultimate male shopping match. $100 in under 30 minutes without batting the eyelids.

hardfought all-day ice cream craving gave way to ultimate hot fudge treat at swensen's.

ignored cameraphone picture-taking temptation. nothing beats reality.

besides, the mind works best in capturing the essence of the time...

-

but there's always a level of upset. perhaps it's just my expectations. that i've always sought to make everyone i like/ am comfortable with comfortable with one another. or in some ways, acquainted. and hopefully, reach a point that they are well acquainted with one another at the very least.

i'm quite unsure about how i should be going from here. it is less complicated than i think it is? could the process be far easier if everything happened at a better time? would it have been better if things could just fall in place?

i think i'm piling too much on her. it's a burden i know. and i don't know how i'm going to try find a way out now that someone new moves into the picture. and kind of upsets the equilibrium of normalcy.

hopefully this would be just a passing phase. and then someday everything will be okay once i try to seek a balance again. so everyone can just hang out, like we've all known each other for long.

idealistic. but ain't life mostly about dreaming? besides, this is too big an endeavour for me to give up on. :)

virus.

the viruses keep creeping. into every single possible crevice. attacking at the weakness of each cell. they push their way through. smiling. smirking. laughing.

roaring laughter. deep. ringing. deafening.

proud of their latest conquest. beaming. toasting to their new record.

-

i think i'm falling sick. i can feel all the symptoms already.

i sure hope i keep it to myself tomorrow and not spread it to anyone else.

let's not be too serious now...

don't ever, ever, ever watch deuce bigalow.

one of my little lapses in taste has occured again, paid an enormous amount of a ticket price for a movie that leaves much to be desired and i wondered whether Garfield was any worse than that.

-

yesterday was out with Jaime when i received a call about a job next monday. i could hardly contain my eagerness and i dare say i was smiling to myself the entire night. :) and i think he's (Jaime) coming along on the job!!! because i have completely no idea what the heck the subject matter is really about( Something to do with Gaming). And apparently it's not very self- explanatory from the asking around so far. from what he's said yesterday, he seems to know like A LOT about it!

more details when everything's done up... in case i incur the wrath of the sponsor ( note: I know you're here. Thank you really for the opportunity!).

i'm ever grateful to everyone who try to create opportunities for me. i don't know how i can ever thank you all enough. i think... i'll try to be a wee bit nicer and try to spread my treats over a period of time ( i can't possibly buy everyone a treat with my first paycheck right?!), and try not to skive so much, and promise to get all work in on time tell the truth and not trick any of you ever again ( as if i ever did. but ok. let's just say... for saying's sake).

so... i'm very happy, very excited, very grateful and ultra eager to learn new things.

ok, now where's the ruddy pass?

let me, let you in...

it came to a point of being totally burnt out. of not knowing what to do next, of not wanting to continue arguing, of not wishing to feel hurt anymore.

but eventually everyone got hurt. in this stupid game. and he tries to pretend everything's ok. flashes his driving license, insisting we go out on a ride to celebrate his newfound freedom.

and no one's happy. we can all play pretend. yet, can we actually continue going on this way?

should we cut our losses now, and just let things go? things can never go back to how they were. we are all aware.

but it has never stopped me from hoping they could.

'you need to go. and in the process learn to start seeing things and people in different perspectives. then you'll start learning what are things you like, what you don't, and how to handle things differently.'

and i'm so glad i listened to Marc, because i did go and i came back with exactly what he mentioned.

i don't know whether it makes me better. but it has made me far more judgmental. because what i used to think is reality has been distorted. and i'm unsure whether i can actually continue believing...

a summary...

i'm back! yay! it would be quite impossible to come up with an hour4hour, min4min, sec4sec commentary of what happened during the 3 days.

so to make my life much easier, i shall just provide a little... erm... details:

i was hooked on room service every single night due to the lousy buffet provide. i was starving by 2130h even though i had my dinner an hour or two ago.

had the opportunity for a lot of self- reflection and soft skills building.

i sat back and relax and helped whenever help was requested.

and i had fun. met a couple of people. got to know my roomie Joscelyn better- and realized we've got quite a bit in common. got to know Small Boy aka Mechanic, and Jaime, and GG and a whole lot of people.

and i watched a lot of BBCworld and Cartoon network. and wondered how local tv could be improved.

oh yes, and i realized SMSing using Celcom is the most effective and cheapest means of maintaining a decent level of outside communication. :) but i seriously hope i don't get too long a bill when it comes at the end of the month though.

-

so yes, Short and Simple. i hope...

super duper tired. i'm going to zonk out. and hope everything will be fine tomorrow. :) *fingers crossed*

i'm so not looking forward.

will be away at a forum this week. which could potentially be quite a disaster for me considering how sleep deprieved i am.

i doubt i will blog, since i hate not blogging via my own darling boyfriend laptop. i'll miss my side of town more. no ice-cream, no seafood, no a whole load of things... at the snap of my fingers.

no hanging out. no lazy mornings ( Since we have to start at 7am!). no mid-week shopping.

i hope i'll not forget that i'm supposed to be on some kind of mission, including the fact that i need to write an article ( still) since i made a promise to do so.

and perhaps during the process, realize that i may just be overstretched, and overly committed- as Matt has mentioned like a million times about. and start learning to say 'no' - with tact- to others.

a lot of things to do in the week ahead i say. and i don't feel myself looking forward to it.

perhaps, it's because this is a lazy sunday. and yes, that's the best excuse i can find. :)

-

oh! yes, do try to watch 'In America' on VCD. it's extremely beautiful and took me on quite a journey over 106 minutes. reckon i lost a part of myself during the process, but it managed to fill me with something else.

highly therapeutic. especially after a long week. never knew what some made out as a dreary show could have that kind of effect on me.

try it. and you never know... perhaps you'd feel similar to how i'm feeling now.

the visit to the museum and then some.

babes sans May plus Chweng went to the Vatican exhibition. fortunately we decided to take a stroll along the SGP river today because tomorrow would be the last day for the exhibition and i've been desperately wanting to go see it. K has strongly refused to go for he has to pay full price for the tickets. and i do not wish to keep bugging, since these kind of things... must come from within- whether you want to go and spend some time with artifacts or splurge your time just sitting at home.

honestly? i was thoroughly amazed! i spent a lot of time examining the paintings from the renaissance era. the color, attention to detail, how the cartoons looked three dimensional from different angles etc. i would have seriously spent a longer time reading and looking IF i knew a bit more about Art and had my legs not given in to fatigue.

the thing was i never felt rushed. that i could just stand and take my time. i always felt quite rushed to get museum visits over and done with, since there's nothing much new to see. and i can remember most of the features from the numerous visits.

perhaps it was due to the fact that this the feature is completely new, and i had wanted from the very beginning to go see. or in a more blasphemous and outlandish statement, some form of divine intervention. since i haven't had the time previously and it just so happened we walked past the ACM and Grace decided that we should all go in. and the best thing? the last day would be tomorrow! before they'd pack everything up and leave.

i was glad that we all enjoyed the experience. it was in some way a discovery, since this was the first time going into the museum with new characters. and kind of observing different, new things there.

however, i still wonder how people can stand and start discussing about their experiences at exhibitions. because i can't and i don't think i will ever be about to. i constantly watch in awe when people start exchanging opinions about what they see.

it was connection at its best- the exhibition and my attention.

ah, how i wished i have the ability to do my work as fervently. :)

let's not talk about my grades for once shall we.

And the way to achieve this would be talking about Something else, which I have thought about for quite awhile and decided to talk about the dengue fever problem:

In light of the recent Dengue fever issue in town, there have been several encounters with friends that made me ponder seriously about the problem.

S, who had in June been warded into hospital for dengue fever, has decided to take it upon himself to educate us about how we could prevent the breeding of mozzies.

G's mom had decided that it was best to be safe rather than sorry ( That's a cliche by the way) and provided us with Mosquito repellent creams during the chalet. It- the cream- smelt suspiciously like Chinese Medicated plasters. My face was increasingly distorted with dislike for the smell, as G lathered herself up with that poisonous smelling thing. :)

K had recently caught a fever. His paranoid mommy took it upon herself to make sure he was checked thoroughly for Dengue fever. Taking him to the docs and drawing blood. Making sure that not a single strain of that virus could get near her darling son. ( Yes, he's a real darling.) although he has recovered, his mommy refuses to let him out of her sight each day after he finishes work. And thus, it has began fuelling my dislike of going out on Friday nights all over again.

M and I had to go back to school for three days despite it being the school holidays. There we fed the desperate mozzies ( since school's out and there's less people to feed on) with nice warm blood. And each mozzie bite fuelled our imaginations. Thinking of what may happen if I got dengue. I started giving a pessimistic count- no one will turn up at the hospital and I'll be left to die alone- and a optimistic count- i foresee So and So visiting me if i'm That lucky. as of the last time i checked, i had 4 major mozzie bites. which i have managed to effectively treat with my Hamilton's Stingose. :)

indeed, there are always funny situations that would arise when diseases and viruses turn into national issues. however, there are always much to be desired...

there will always be the few who act ignorant. they do not bother to take the heed of the er.... Rap about the 10 minutes mozzie wipe out, nor the ads with an actress talking about the prevention of breeding of those wretched vermins.

i still see potted plants with an overflowing amount of water that lays stagnant. and i've heard of people who were unaware of basic ways of preventing their toiletbowls being a breeding ground while they are away from home for a couple of days.

i reckon it's good that the government has taken steps to educate the public about the problem. but you see, we can't always start doing Something when we are told to do it. because sometimes it maybe a case of 'a little too late'.

and the best way to prevent dengue fever from getting you is to start taking active steps yourself. being a little less selfish sometimes does go a long way. :)

post concept camp.

It seriously wasn't me! I didn't break the cue stick and Sarah's my witness. ( thanks for providing the pics Sarah).

the airplanes roared past the windows of our chalet every 15 minutes or so. we could hardly watch 'Love Actually' Actually due to the noise. but we've all already Actually watched 'Love Actually' actually except Grace. so actually, we didn't have to actually listen to the lines. and we actually know 'Love Actually' so well, we could actually spot all the lines they cut out. so yes, you'd better watch 'Love Actually' so you won't feel like a piss this Christmas. :)

ok. that was just for fun. hahahah! i didn't realize that actually can be so overused and irritating! though i hardly use actually, actually. :)

ok i shall stop.

we came up with a fab concept, and i'm sure we'll be able to convince.

anyway, i prepared the food and i didn't realize until Jiahui told me i forgot to put pepper and salt into the tumeric honey chicken wings mix. me bad. sorry that i forgot. but hey, the sambal prawns were nice Right?! muahahahahah! :)

gRace thought it great to get b&j's Choc Chip Cookie Dough ice- cream and that kept all of us busy while watching movies.

May's mommy sponsored us Prawns that were ultra delicious :)

and Ryan provided the laughs ( read: Cue stick?).

surprisingly all six of us managed to cramp into one room with all the mattresses and pillows and all the dust ( Ewww!) and we talked and talked and talked until we fell asleep.

by 5 ish 6 am, the 8.10am wakeup call to watch a movie on HBO was most likely forgotten and we almost overslept for check out. muahahahahah!

the things we do at camp. and i got back home being a bit whacky. cos i didn't have enough sleep for the past couple of nights. i'm glad still though. :) it's Allllll.... Goood.

what went on in my head as i sat and listened to the talks.

two articles to write. one due on monday. another two weeks from now. shortened feature writing hiatus.

one camp to attend. one camp to run. fun fun. bask in the sun! fun runs all night!

one proposal to work on. one to present. word- tripping. phase stumbling. tongue- tied.

collation of results. re-introduction to statistics. stats. charts and graphs. tables. distribution. questions. simple tabs. cross tabs. spss darling. sample size. representative. location location!

more people to meet. more people to know. more names to remember. fear.

anxiety. hyperventilation. results results. exam results. weird sleep hours.

friends. lecturers. are friends in some ways lecturers too? value of life. lessons in life. journey of life. education about life. university of life.

appreciation. convention center. nifty toilets. nice escalators. friendly staff from my school. polite people. little comforts in life.

adore. you. reading books. people- watching. action- observing. authority- questioning. thought- evoking. intellectual stimulation.

sufferings. chronic inability to focus. attention magnet. ice- cream cravings. sleep deprievity. dehydration.

foreign. so foreign. john. aldo. jon. guess. marc. audemas piguet. maldives. escada.

circles. walking in circles. driving in circles. writing in circles. drawing circles.

p. penguin. preston. passion. propaganda. poignant. poison. practicality.

alternative. route. location. choice. dish. music.

decadence. ice- cream. chocolate! dim- sum. interiors. cushions. dressing. lifestyle. to a fault.

mitigation. departmentalization. target audience. research methodology. low formalization. public interest. cross-cultural marketing difficulties. survey.

-

there's a lot more. but i reckon i shall not bore all of you to death with my random thoughts of the day. for 5 hours i did exactly just that. and it's a real wonder how much i could come up with. and actually remember. it was rather fun listening to the talks. except that sometimes. things became such a bore i was tempted to do a little word play in my head. and play i did. as i multi-tasked. :) i did! really. seriously.