we took photos at raffles place after Hidayah's birthday dinner. the last good photos we'll be taking as three of us till Joyce comes back.

German it is.. or not?!

i'm still thinking, shud i take german... or should i not?

ooPs.Ive overslept this morning.. again! This time because I had training for the past two days in really strong winds. Last week was because I was sick. argh!
I have to remember to wake up earlier next time 'cos skipping class ain't really helping me do better at what I wanna do.
word(s) of the week:
Suspicious
1 : tending to arouse suspicion : QUESTIONABLE
2 : disposed to suspect : DISTRUSTFUL
3 : expressing or indicative of suspicion
- sus·pi·cious·ly adverb
- sus·pi·cious·ness noun
Arrogance
: a feeling or an impression of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims
Nomenclature
1 : NAME, DESIGNATION
2 : the act or process or an instance of naming
3 a : a system or set of terms or symbols especially in a particular science, discipline, or art b : an international system of standardized New Latin names used in biology for kinds and groups of kinds of animals and plants
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I have been of late suspicious of things. hahahah! Grace asked me to stop being suspicious else I'd drive myself crazy. I'm actually quite suspicious over the entire 'nat. team' label. Maybe I should QUIT. It seems that eventually it will only consist of people the coach likes. I'm not extremely clear, yet signs of concealment has been showing and it is getting thinner. Anyway, I'd like to welcome Vic and Jase to the club of knowing the truth of the entire scandal! Goes to show that my theory was not a fake, and that given the facts I had at hand, proved that we're that close to finding the truth. Though someday we may simply give up on the existence of such a label, we will at least know what and where and why is went wrong.
And as I sign off to head to school, ultimately the truth will always prevail...cos time will tell.

ease of mind? $10
dinner with close fren? $26
chit chatting with close fren? Priceless

whatever u may think not exist to u, cos u deny it, ignore it, or simply are unawares, will be there simply cos the person experiencing it feels that it is.
u get suspicious over 'what's wrong with people' and you accuse people of spreading rumours about u. without the conscious knowledge of the person(s)'s character, of speaking the truth, of keeping close tabs on facts. is that gossip? hardly.
facts are truths, whereas things such as half truths and non-existent 'facts' are called gossip. gossip and rumours are complements. they go hand in hand. once one spread rumours, people will pick up on them, and start to gossip about what they've heard.
pls, reflect on yourself. what have u done to someone that makes u think that the person is actually talking about u? or worse, spreading rumours to ( i quote) 'everyone about u'.
sometimes things u do just break down all the reasons and excuses a person give to stay on. things u do each time just demolishes everything the person builds up with strong foundations in hope that what was thought previously was flawed.
now it doesnt seem the case. the decision has been made, decided even before she has the chance to had the final say. thanks so much, cos u've made the most difficult decision for her...

today, we had a trial for like th dvpa director of a 5-min live studio production thingy? oh shite, I TOTALLY screwed up. i wasnt really focusing, my mind was everywhere even though i thought of what to say in my head, it came out wrong(mostly). i think it's partly due to the condition. it's quite difficult to control, and few understand it. there's a problem in allowing one to focus, and distraction is common, affecting action and behaviour. oh well... cant really help it can i except try my best to get the job done?

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anw, walked arnd with a major headache today cos i was talking on the hp to Marke for a pretty long time last night. we havent chatted for awhile, so it was a welcomed gesture. ( this compared to some P.I.T.A.(pain in the arse- you know who) smses me and tells me his gf is not with him and wants me to go out with him to a fair or sth.) we were talking about the what ifs if i did get an acceptance to SMU. i'll be there till 2009, while he has to go face the corporate world. hahaha! it would be fun actually, since then he can continue to grumble about the under subsistence level pay considering the amount of hours he's gonna have to put into it.( I've been trying to pursuade him to do investment banking, fund mgt. He grumbles as if there's no job tt's tough). anw, his 'naggings' have been good, as i guess ive come to realize the importance of certain things. such as consistency( ok, credit's not completely his cos Andrew Lim drilled tt in during History). what would i do without a friend like you, you... you 'serial rapist'( ok he calls himself tt for god knows what reason except to peeve me?)?! hahahhaha!

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woah, Suan Tze's car's big. I always wanted to try Vic's mom's Sonata but never really got the opportunity except getting stuff from the car boot. but Hell! the Sonata's a really fabulously spacious car! good steering, really quiet engine compared to other Hyundai models... I really like it. the only setback for the car is prolly high gas consumption.

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getting really tired, i don even have the energy to do economics homework. i think cos the headache's taken up loads of my energy. NOTE: it doesnt mean that since im prancing arnd, Im FINE or OKAY. i can still do that even when i don feel well cos i just wanna use it to get the pain of my mind...

when u don feel the acknowledgement of presence, u just frigging dont care anymore. u just give up on the hope of it ever happening. so u walk, and u'll come to realize that if another chance is ever presented, u'll grab it. no matter the odds against u. it becomes not an issue of pride or hurt ego, but an reasoning of choice. that should an opportunity presents itself upon u, u take it cos it is deemed, in ur opinion, the best option. it may be wrong, but ultimately worth a shot. however, once u get it, u must be willing to give it all it takes. there's no turning back, and all u can do is look forward.

and there goes my last powerbar. felt really hungry a moment ago and i just went for it. sigh, resisting the temptation's really tough.due to the lack of timely meals, im on the brink of anorexia.perhaps i'll faint halfway through school and need to be put on a drip (or sth like that).

so anw, ive come to realize the importance of solitude. it provides comfort, time for reflection and also recuperation actually.getting the hang of it.actually i'd better get the hang of it, since Joyce will be leaving and Wk's going to army( Sing the damned song!).

Joyce and Hid and I are having girls' NITE OUT next thurs. so pls do not dampen our spirits by throwing something that we have to deal with when we can actually have fun due to the long weekend. It's Hid's bday next wednesday. so much of me being a friend.i actually forgot abt it,though i know tt it's in the last half of january.( pls don shoot me for being so bad at dates).

cant believe it. come 6 mths, i'll be 20. the big 2-O. my greatest fear for years. i remembered James telling me once, 'why are u so freaked by it? u SHUD be happy, and u'd better be, cos you cant turn back.' actually it's pretty true. i don regret the things ive done over the years, except for maybe making certain wrong moves when it came to planning a path in sailing. nonetheless, i don really regret the stuff ive done, and the stuff ive said, cos ive became better over time through the lessons that ive been dealt. =)

isn't it saddening that come each january, loads of pple leave( specifically GUYs) for the army. im not having anything personal against it because it's pretty good actually to get the population combat ready. but...

OK FINE! let me stop beating around the bush. Wei Keong's enlisting on 22nd jan. quite sad. the guy (almost by 6 bus stops away) next door is entering army. this would mean the lack of possibility of starbucks, haagen daz sessions for a while. actually it's more of the sobering experience to watch people do stuff you used to, and then reflect and realized how much you have grown over time. be is for the better or for the worse. but you have changed. yup.

econs CA next wk. i cant believe how fast time flies actually. soon it will be term break, then finals, and we're on to the hols and start preparing for sem 3. time waits for no man they say.. so you have to grab the ripper by its horn and control the ride...

~One by one/Only the good die young/They’re only flying too close to the sun~

*gosh, i wish i could be one of them( but never by suicide)*

AS USUAL, YOU DON LEARN YOUR LESSON DO YOU?

remember the gathering that i was roped into planning? well, it's just very much none of my business. ok, not completely NONE OF MY FRIGGING BUSINESS, cos i have to contact Andrew Lim( if you're still lost, he's the EX..history teacher).
Anyway, why the frigging heading? cos i have once again failed to reach my objective to make those bloody sods learn that YOU HAVE TO MAKE ADVANCED NOTICE TO ANDREW LIM. what the fcuk were they thinking? Benita happily smsed me and said it was ok to ask him whether he was free on saturday( YES, 15th Jan, sat) or sunday. of course i know his answer, knowing him ( since i do advanced planning too). so righto, i wasted my sms asking him whether he would be available despite knowing the frigging answer, and with a body on fire ( metaphorically) i blasted Aidil about what just happened. Pls stop ignoring practices that have to be taken in order to run an event. Actually it would be great if someone merrily told me ( and everyone else) that his/ her wedding was in a week's time and all of us blasted him/ her. that would be a nice lesson to learn, amid too late.

4th jan... strange that we entered the new year. just a few hours ago, i happily scrawled 040104 on my test paper. then realizing my mistake, made a messy cancellation mark to change it to 040105... heh heh...
it's funny how 04 has past us by. it really felt like days ago when we talked about our futures, like we were so sure of what we wanted. we planned our holidays like we had all the money in the world. we went out, sat on the steps and chit chatted like we haven got a care in the world ( for the moments when we were together we really didnt care). what would you do without friends?
now that 05 is here, it really freaks me out... because Joyce is going away to Aust.! i know, i may sound ridiculous, cos Joyce will always be there for me. And there's always Hid. you may say. But it would definitely feel weird when she leaves. cos it's like suddenly, u lose this part of yourself, like a limb or a part of your soul. you just dont feel... 'perfect'. last year, James left, Lei left... ok let's not talk about closeness. however, the lack of (almost) immediate security in the ability to contact the person can KILL. i mean it... when things happen, u get this sense of helplessness cos you cant get the advise of these people...
the most comforting thing would actually be that XH is forever reachable, despite the fact that at times i get frustrated that she doesnt reply fast enough. hahahha!( im sorry)
i reckon i need to count my blessings that i can still be sitting here and typing this, especially since the 'famous' phuket/bali trip never came true for everyone's been too busy and all. therefore my resolution for this year would be to learn to not be bothered by trivialities( is there such a word to describe trivial-ness). and also to become a better person overall... =)